With a name like that...

I received an email this afternoon from a chap with the amusing name of Flanagan Gerhardt. With a name like that, the last thing he should be doing is emailing thousands of people trying to sell worthless tat. I automatically deleted the email - but not before noticing his catchy email address: flanagan543023gerhardt3226@hotmail.com!

Bikes are good crime indicators

Bicycle theft is a big problem all over Britain, and people naturally take precautions to stop their bike being stolen. I've noticed that the degree to which someone goes to prevent the bike being pinched is a good indication of general crime levels in a community. Whilst living in Kent, I would often see bikes chained to railings, and they would be there when the owner returned. In London today I saw a telling sight. A cyclist stopped on his bike, jumped off, and the started dismantling his bike. The handlebars went in his backpack, where the seat soon joined it, and the wheels were hoisted over his shoulders, leaving the frame to be chained to a gate.

Do you sweat easily?!

Sitting on an underground train isn't the most exciting of activities, and commuters should grasp any opportunity to be entertained. It could be the bizarre way a man stands, the risque title of the book that an old lady is reading or the difficult task of avoiding eye contact with all the passengers. But my favourite source of entertainment are Tube adverts. Today, while travelling on an unplanned detour (in other words, while spectacularly lost) I witnessed my favourite Tube advert ever. Below is the eye-catching slogan on the poster:

'Do you sweat easily? If so, maybe you should consider plastic surgery!!'

Quite how plastic surgery will fix a body odour problem is beyond me!

Theft is NOT a hobby!

While writing a previous post, I was watching a TV programme about Coronation Street. They were interviewing a guy who collects Coronation Street memorabilia (presumably when he isn't standing on windy train platforms jotting down the engine numbers of trains as they speed by). He has visited the set 80-90 times in his life, and takes great pride in the fact he regularly steals props from the set as he walks around. He has stolen a cobble from the street, some cladding from a house and a washing line which a character died beside!!

As if theft wasn't enough, he regularly spends upwards of £90 in the gift shop!

The REAL Tube map

How the London Underground really looks based on the geographical location of each Tube station.

Indiana Jones & The Cornershop of Doom

My local corner shop is owned by an Indian family. One of their employees is also from India. He is really tall, very overweight (in other words 'fat'), has a bushy beard and wears a turban. He reminds me of a baddie in an Indiana Jones film. When he finishes serving a customer he looks at the next person in the queue, briefly considers whipping out his machete, but instead says with his strong Indian accent "Yes please and next!". Always makes me smile!

German terrorist/supervisor

This morning I was asked to work at a large London exhibition centre. My job was to check the ID of all visitors, give them their tickets and badges, and basically ensure everybody knew where to go. I was one of many temps doing this.

While working, I noticed the supervisor walking around. He was tall, had a smart suit on, a fancy goatie beard, and was talking into his walkie-talkie in a strong German accent. He reminded me of the German terrorists in Die Hard. I half expected him to walk into the hotel lobby, seal the doors and fire a machine gun into the air to get his new hostages' attention, or demand to know who killed Otto. He didn't, though my suspicions about him were confirmed later due to his accent - it kept changing. While he tried to stick to a German accent, he sometimes had a French accent, an Arabic accent, and even a Welsh accent. Definitely dodgy.